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Parapraxis in action

So, the garklet got a whole bunch of brightly-coloured plastic toys for his birthday and for Christmas, and most of them a) make electronic noises when you press buttons and b) have no off switch. Given that he's attracted to buttons like a wasp to jam (a case in point: I've taped cardboard over the power switch for the television, because he was trying to power cycle it a couple of times a second), we're pretty inured to said noises by now. I've 'fixed' the really objectionable ones with the help of Mr. Screwdriver; he'll get the batteries back in a few years time.

One of the toys is a cement truck (from ELC, I believe) which makes noises when you press the head of the not-Bob-the-Builder-honest figure. It says the following, in order:

  • "Where do you want it?"
  • "Let's get mixing!"
  • "It won't take long to set."
  • "Four parts sand, one part cement."

However, I've realised that I've been mentally translating the last phrase as "four parts gin, one part vermouth". My brain is clearly trying to tell me something...

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J had an UTTERLY VILE Bob the Builder cement mixer that played many happy BtB songs, and various games, and had the most annoying voice ever, and even carried on making loud noises when you turned it off, allegedly under the guise of 'Saying Bye Bye'.

After a while we attacked it in search of a volume control, only to find that it had two volume settings and we had it on 'quiet'. What's worse, the batteries never, ever ran out; they were still working when I got round to selling it on eBay the other month. Its photo has gone into the album that will one day become the Tat Collage. It's a quiet photo.

It was a present from my brother, and I think of it every time I have cause to buy something for his first-born (now three). We found a Thomas the tank engine toy that spewed balls around the living room, for example; and for Christmas he got a K'Nex set with hundreds of bits. Ah. Sweet revenge. Do you think he's old enough for plaster of paris yet?

And when M was little, we explained to her that AA batteries were particularly rare and uncommon and so we weren't able to replace them in the toys that ran out. She still believes it a little bit.

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