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Destroy All Undergraduates! [1]
chap
nmg

Dear undergraduates on the U1A bus to Wessex Lane,

I couldn't help but overhear your braying conversation at the bus stop and on the bus. Thank you for subjecting me to it. Lest you continue to behave like over-privileged, slack-witted Sloanes, may I offer the following observations:

  1. I'm glad that you found common ground in the fact that you both live in London near Victoria Line stations. It's such a coincidence that one of you lives near Highbury and Islington, and the other lives near Walthamstow - there can be only 400,000 other people that could say the same.
  2. Alfred Hitchcock was born and raised in Leytonstone, not in Walthamstow. Cretin.
  3. What an amazing coincidence! Your parents come from Sicily, and your parents have a second house in Perugia!
  4. Please be aware that "starting a theatre company", "starting a record label" and "becoming a writer, y'know" are stereotypical careers for upper-middle class children with wealthy parents to support them.
  5. Wow! You're going on holiday to the Amazon this summer! How cool is that? Eco-tourism is such a good way to show your love for the planet, especially when you have to travel halfway round the world to do so.
  6. Yes, your personal tutor probably is quite sick of you if you've been to see them three times this year to change course, expressing a preference for a different course each time. They will probably be quite happy to see you go, just as soon as you make up your mind which course you want to study.
  7. Please be aware that both Music and Film are stereotypical degree courses for upper-middle class children with wealthy parents to support them[2]. Have you considered History of Art? I understand that the male-female ratio would be more in your favour there.

No love,

Me

[1] Except for the ones on my friends list, who are all lovely people.

[2] I'm not saying that everyone that studies Film, Music or History of Art is a UMCCWWPTST, just that they're rather over-represented on those courses.

(it's at times like this that a) I'm glad that I didn't do my undergrad degree at Southampton and b) I remember why I hated the Wessex Lane halls)


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Oh Brookes could be just as bad, if not worse in some senses. I was the first person in my family to go to Uni ( I'm leaving the whole thing of my uncle doing the ( very ) mature student thing later on out of the equation ) and my parents and their families are all east Londoners. You get to see a really different side of things when you grow up with one life and then see another at a place like Brookes.

The amount of time I have to spend welding my palms to my sides (restraint is not my strong suit so you'll appreciate the effort involved) before I give an undergrad a bit of a slap should be allowed on expenses! Thankfully Warwick is ditching its BAQTS this year so hurray for no more "braying conversation" while they're waiting in reception.. just a little slap is all I'm asking for here, not where anyone would be able to see either, see I am considerate and have thought about this.

Please be aware that "starting a theatre company", "starting a record label" and "becoming a writer, y'know" are stereotypical careers for upper-middle class children with wealthy parents to support them.

I smell Nathan Barley. Otherwise known as "C*nt".

He even looked like a Nathan Barley. Sadly, I didn't see his mobile phone, so I couldn't positively confirm that he was a Nathan Barley.

Beats the ones who though doing a degree was a "larf", and boasted about how they were going to...what was the phrase? "Blag it"?

They're where Daily WTF entries come from, I tell you.

1) Doesn't everyone live near a Victoria Line station?

4) Not stereo-typical, compulsory. There must be so much parental cash sunk into those projects it'd be worth setting up a franchise business. "Here at UMCT Ltd. we promise to get little Tarquin's ground-breaking record label/art galery/publishing house mentioned in the following glossy mags and won't let him burn more than 100k a year". A surefire winner.

I would like to point out that it really wasn't like that in my undergrad days.

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