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SFnal devices for child-rearing
frowny alex
nmg

As suggested by hobbit_dave or possibly Hugo WINOLJ at our open house: stillsuits for infants. It's not that you necessarily want or need to recycle the material that exudes from every orifice, but that having a single tap for drainage would be very useful.

Also, forget Zero Point Energy as an SFnal power source. We really need to be harnessing all that waah-ing and all those flailing limbs.


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A single tap for drainage, and the occasional small dried pellet to throw away. Perfect!

Haven't had to change my nephew yet - well, just for damp nappies, which is fairly clean to do - but I've seen him flail around enough to get stuff everywhere. And manage to pee on his mother three times in one day...

The garklet stopped peeing mid-change after his managed to pee in both his eyes during a single change.

As my now-dead grandmother would have said: that'll learn 'im.

Splendid idea, I did once suggest a sort of septic-tank affair with leg-grommets and a D-lock so you could chain the little b*ggers up to something... ;)

Chains are a bit passe. I'm planning on installing hook velcro across thresholds in the house that I don't want him crossing, with the corresponding loop velcro sewn to his babygros.

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This aren't even the really scary ideas!

Excellent plan!

As little **FIXME gets more vigorous in his habits, I've been thinking about some sort of repressor field/flotation tank for sleeping. The baby would be free to rotate and flail freely in 3D to wherever they were most comfortable, with no risk of getting their leg caught in cot bars, or lying uncomfortably on an arm, or ending up with their nose squashed painfully in to the matress.

I'm still trying to persuade ias to let me build a counterweight system for the moses basket so that we can hoist him up to the ceiling while we sleep.

Slightly less flippantly, I intend to build a hefty vibrating dingus that I can strap to his baby bouncer and tune to its resonant frequency (I've taught myself to bounce it with my toes, but it's still a bit awkward).

*laughs* You could probably just install one of those old-fashioned clothes driers that hoists up to the ceiling and strap the Moses basket to that. Don't think you'd need a counterweight - you've effectively got a block and tackle anyway with this arrangement and babies aren't that heavy to lift.

You do know that you can buy baby bouncer/chair/whatever type things with a vibrating thingummy built in? Not cheap new, but very reasonable second hand, and if you're anything like me you've probably a lot less time for fun little projects like building your own electric gizmo these days. (If I'm honest the time it'd take me to get round to it is probably about the same as the time it'd be useful for.)

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